I
am really feeling bad to plunge back into my past after so many years.
In fact, this is the reason why, I was escaping you, not intentionally
but psychologically, because it hurts , it really hurts and is painful
indeed. With tears in my heart I will narrate to you my past anyway:-
I have been grown up in a Christian family, with a mother who has the blood of white people and my father having Asian culture. Since childhood I was really different from everybody in my house. I was a very shy and sensitive girl. I was the only one in the house to go and attend the Sunday mass and visit the church. This made a great effect in me. I grew with the words of God. And you know, being a child I had great innocence in me and all what I was hearing from the bible was molding my manners and myself as a person. I was living among my sisters and family with a different vision since childhood because of my contact with the church. Being a child, when I was hearing words like;[one should not be attached to this world; a world of amusements and frustrations, to money, an evil temptation….], I would the following day after hearing those words in the church, refuse any rupee my father would give me, out of his love for me!! I would not mingle with music, amusements…and no one would understand me!! Only because they were not going and hearing those words like me while I was attending the mass alone. And this made much pain in my life as a child. I was not being able to understand any person around me who would love money, music, or anything in this materialistic world. I was already molded as a Muslim but I did not know! I was affirming myself and defending Christianity because I loved the words I was hearing in the church. I could differentiate between those marvelous words and the actions of the so called Christians. I, already as a child, was disapproving all their ways. Growing as a very sensitive person, I was continuously misunderstood by one and all in the house of my parents. It was only my father, who was a bit sensitive like me, who understood me. And you would not believe, this created jealousy in my mum! Every time my father would come and hug me and consoled me when I was in tears (for very simple reason, I would weep!), my mother would show her anger! I could not understand! This was so hard to accept that then; I started to hide myself in my room every time I was sad. I did not let my father see, so as not to bear the anger of my mother afterwards. This is the reason I grew as an adolescent, very reserved one, I could not express myself, I feared everybody and would hide myself in my own shell- my room. This made me become someone very silent and someone passing her time observing without saying a word.
Then came a time when I had a job, I was affirming myself as an adult and I was having friends. Everybody outside loved me! They were appreciating me, and I was reviving. I felt I could trust, I could talk and voice out my feelings! And you know what happened? Each time I talked or said something deep, my friends would tell me: “eh you know, you cannot be a Christian, you are a Muslim!” I loved this you know, and I don’t know why I was feeling good. I give you an example:-
One day I was painting a flower for a class teacher colleague of mine. Although I am a fine painter, I was having difficulty to reach the real beauty of the flower! And getting tired in my efforts, I exclaimed: “and there are people who say that God does not exist! There are so many things around us to prove there is a God!” At that very moment, my Muslim friend approached me and said: “you just said a surah from the Qur’an!” I was amazed! I said to myself: this cannot go on!
People always comparing me to Muslims, I must know what Islam is!
I therefore seize the opportunity to ask via a radio program about Islam which I used to follow, to ask the speaker how I can understand Islam n where I can go to learn what Islam is in all its aspects. He gave me the address of a man who became my deen teacher. There I asked many pertinent questions n Alhamdulillah all were answered. I took much time to get convinced. Every time I felt I must make that important step, that of leaving Christianity and embracing Islam, every time I stopped, as there was a fear inside which was haunting me. Then, one day something happened: while my teacher was reading a surah in Arabic, with tajweed and with prose, I could not hold my tears, amazingly, without understanding anything, I saw myself weeping abundantly! All of my teacher’s family was shocked. But not my teacher! He was waiting for such a sign to convince me. He too wished I take the step quick, that of embracing Islam, but I was delaying, always. But on that day, I could see the joy on my teacher’s face. He took the Qur’an and showed me a verse where Allah is saying that those among the people of the book, whom I will choose to give guidance, those ones when my verses will be read to them, they won`t be able to hear it, they will fall on their face weeping. Really on that day I felt that those words were really for me. So it was exactly such words which for sure could give me a boost up. I was too much hesitating without reason. My teacher said it was shaytwaan tricks, he makes people delay to make good deeds and make people hasten to do bad deeds. And even though I did not read the shahada! I felt I needed more time.
Now from that time, Allah will start to make me pass though lots of painful tests! When I started my study, it was something I hide from everyone. I was already a married woman. My husband was a Hindu. He had to abandon Hindu faith and embrace Christianity for my parents to accept to marry him to me. He was the most valuable person I could get at that time. He was the best of husband any woman would dream to have! And unfortunately you know what? This will be my first biggest test. Listen now why….
When I was studying Islam from books and I my deen teacher, I was keeping this love for Islam for myself, no one knew, not even my husband, I kept it secret. With days however, my manners and my way of behaving in the house, started to change. My husband was feeling there was something but he thought badly on me. He thought I was having an affair with another man. He was suffering inside and this made him turn towards other women in his work. He did not tell me anything about what he was thinking. Then what should happened, happened. He started an affair with a MUSLIM lady in his place of work. Really, what would you have thought of Muslims and Islam at that time, if you were in my place?! I was approaching Islam and see what a Muslim lady was doing to me! And at that time, amazingly, I was reading the saying of the prophet s.a.w who said: (if two persons, 1 male and 1 female stays together alone, the third one is shaytwan). So instead of seeing Islam as disgusting, maachallah, I was in fact getting the confirmation of what I was learning, from what was happening between the lady and my husband. I started to really give credit to all the words Islam was teaching me. It was theory on paper, and my husband affair was the ‘practice’ part! The convincing part!
Now I was ready! As soon as I heard about his relationship, I was hurt but I felt relieved because I did not know, at a point in time what I should really do. I was convinced about the truth of Islam but I was married! What was I going to do? It was a stress. This is why I was behaving awkwardly. .so the extra marital affair of my husband helped me to make a move. It was Allah’s plan on me. But you know, when you really love someone, this thing of leaving him was not an easy thing at all. It was a real test. I decided at a moment, because of my pain I was enduring with the decision of leaving him to walk back! I even asked my husband to learn about Islam, to please make an effort so that I do not have to leave him. And instead of him having to ask for apology for what he did, it was me who was asking him for forgiveness. I could not recognize myself. It was paining a lot to have to separate. I was looking for all alternatives to save my couple. This was a very hard time indeed. I even accepted to stay in a different room, but under the same roof and at the same time teaching him Islam, for three years! 3 years I did sabar(patience), I accepted to cook food for him, I accepted to give him my house and all my belongings and I was everyday supplicating to him to accept Islam, I accepted he had the lady as wife too, I accepted all sacrifices….!!!
But one day, when as usual, after fajar, I went to his room to show him the so beautiful verses of the qur’an, concerning the Christians, he pushed my Qur’an forcefully. It was on that day with lots of pain that I stopped my efforts towards him. I could not bear to see him pushing my Qur’an; I was very angry inside, very angry. Things worsen with days. He left Mauritius for Madagascar. I had no money at all. I had a daughter. We had to drink water and eat bread which is offered at school. My husband was again having an affair in Madagascar. I again felt weak when I heard what he was doing. He was like a child to me. I don’t know how much I loved him, so that, I again made a move towards him. I went to Madagascar to help him see he was wrong. You know, I was feeling guilty it was because of me he was searching for love from anybody who come his way! For him I betrayed him! He was saying that he left everything for me and now see what I was doing to him…on my side I cared for him but I could not live with him if he do not adopt Islam and this I was unable to explain this nor help in any manner…I just was thinking again about God’s word: if he guides someone who can misguide n if he don’t want guidance for someone who can remove the seal in their heart?!! It was painful not to have the key to change this…
He ill treated me in Madagascar, I was not recognizing him. The lady he was entertaining, was asking that I leave Madagascar and my husband hugged her to console her saying: she (me) is only my wife on paper! That was really very very difficult to bear…I think Allah was permitting this only to help me leave him…
I therefore came back to Mauritius. I suffered a lot, no food, no money, and I had a daughter of 2yrs old to look after. Mentally I was finished. I only had to leave Islam and I would have my husband back, money, a car, and the love and affection of my husband….but u know what I chose?....i was ready, no more love was there for any one in my heart, except the love for Allah and his prophet and all my Muslims friends…..so I told my husband of my strict intention to accept to leave him and to go and read the shahada… I am at this moment weeping lots; tears are running down my cheeks. I did not want to recall, this is why half way I stopped. I was thinking about many episodes who were flashing back, and I stopped last time. I was remembering a moment when I had nothing in the kitchen to give to my child. My husband was refusing to send me money. I remember myself walking across private lands to cut leafy vegetables growing and bring home to cook.
At that very moment, my parents added fuel to my sufferings. They too were ill treating me. They started supporting my husband instead, only because he converted to Christianity, so they loved him more than me. In fact they detested me a lot. When my husband came back from Madagascar, my parents supported him in court to remove my child from me. They accused me of beating my child to read the Qur’an…they accused me of being extremist!! And when I was going to court in my jilbab, I was seen by the judge as a disgusting woman…I had to bear all this …my jilbab and hijab was betraying me and was confirming the words of my husband and family, and when you have your own mother against you and helping your husband, not only it hurts but it gives credit to the words of my husband in court!! A mother helping his son in law and condemning her own daughter!!…, this is the last thing you can do to a mother, removing her child from her! Allah says He won’t give you emaan like this. He will test you with all what you love, 1. Your money, 2. Your husband or wife, 3. Your sons, 4. Your health…
So after suffering from lack of food, and money, from separation of my husband with divorce, now I was faced with the separation of my child from me! I don’t know how I passed all these tests, as only weapon, I recall myself weeping whole day, whole night. Then what I did is to accept what was decreed from Allah for me…so I told them in court that I am accepting they take my child, and that all what they are doing to me is not coming from them to me, and that if Allah did not permit this , nobody could have been able to do this to me…and that it is Allah who is testing me with the one I love the most, my child…so I am surrendering…they were all shocked…and I left the court, satisfied being able to held high my deen but wrecked as a weak mother!!!
Moreover, in my work, my employer being the roman catholic education authority, I had to undergo pressure and the threat of losing my job, now only because I started wearing hijab! They were asking me to remove my veil. Again I accepted to face all humiliation, all kinds of words, all kinds of injustices..They promote all Christians except me. I accepted this too. It was a stress, I was constantly being reminded I work in a Christian school and they have their specificity and that I am Jesus betrayer! I was running the risk of losing my job, my only bread winner, having no parents with me…I did not remove my hijab….never will I …and up to now they have not been able to put me out..
And then with years, living alone, I had difficulties when there were things I could not do for example things normally meant for men (1) to fetch gas cylinders for cooking when it finishes, (2) to repair electric wires broken in the house, then I needed my neighbors. They were Muslims. This is when, I met my 2nd husband. He started loving me. His parents did not accept me because I was an already married woman and being revert, for them I had no Muslim blood!! They were very narrow minded people. I cut my relations with him. He could not bear this and proposed I marry him among friends only without letting his parents know, and that he will let them know later, about the nikah. You know, being alone, he was my only support. I did not have any parents, no child, so not to lose this only support, I accepted in my weaknesses. He was 9 yrs younger than me but when I fell pregnant; he started to fear his parents and asked me to abort the child! I refused. Another episode now, that of being beaten by him to go and get rid of the child. The child was a problem for him. His parents would know and he would lose all what he should inherit as fortune by his parents. I suffered much atrocities but I did not abort. I got the support of another neighbor who made me come to her house and helped me during pregnancy and even after birth. For 7 yrs, the 2nd husband did not give me talaaq. He even went to seek the help of my parents to remove this 2nd child from me. I started doing tahajud, I wept to Allah asking Him not to make me endure the test of losing my child again…I wept all the tears of my body…and Allah subanahu wa tallah , for whom I will always be grateful, answered my prayer..My 2nd husband forgets to come on the scheduled date fixed by the court to hear him…ALLAHU AKBAR!! My case was dismissed and he loses all rights to see the child because the court sees this absence of him as an act of disinterest for the child, of him!! Alhamdulilah I could sleep in peace! It was a real miracle. He forgets the date, even though he had his own sister as lawyer and his uncle as notary!!! No one remembered the date, no one was present in court on that day, they all forgot!! Up to now I ponder on what Allah can do if He really wants!!
I was also tested with my health. I am health and physical education instructor, and once while executing a jump in the stadium; I tore my medial meniscus in my knee. I feared again for my future because I have no one on my side, I had no money to get operated. Then while talking about my conversion to a newspaper, somebody came and paid the operation, alhamdulilah.
U see I have been tested with everything for the diamond I got..emaan!! But I am now happy and living peacefully, alone yes but happy to have got imaan. Nothing is as valuable to my eyes as this. I don’t know how to thank Allah for this gift. Pray for me I stay in swiratwal mustaqeem till I die, inchallah. U see I have not gain imaan easily… I have strived to read kalima shahada, I have strived and is still striving to wear my Islamic dress, I still am hiding myself to do my swalaat in my job in time, this is why I can’t understand born Muslim who has the freedom to do all this but don’t!! I will forever be thankful to Allah; I even thank HIM for the pains I endured, because it is those pains that mould me into a Muslim! I also thank Him for all the support I got from my sisters and brothers in Islam, in my moments of sorrows because while He was sending me tests, He also sends me support along with the pain!! I will be thankful to Allah forever.
I have been grown up in a Christian family, with a mother who has the blood of white people and my father having Asian culture. Since childhood I was really different from everybody in my house. I was a very shy and sensitive girl. I was the only one in the house to go and attend the Sunday mass and visit the church. This made a great effect in me. I grew with the words of God. And you know, being a child I had great innocence in me and all what I was hearing from the bible was molding my manners and myself as a person. I was living among my sisters and family with a different vision since childhood because of my contact with the church. Being a child, when I was hearing words like;[one should not be attached to this world; a world of amusements and frustrations, to money, an evil temptation….], I would the following day after hearing those words in the church, refuse any rupee my father would give me, out of his love for me!! I would not mingle with music, amusements…and no one would understand me!! Only because they were not going and hearing those words like me while I was attending the mass alone. And this made much pain in my life as a child. I was not being able to understand any person around me who would love money, music, or anything in this materialistic world. I was already molded as a Muslim but I did not know! I was affirming myself and defending Christianity because I loved the words I was hearing in the church. I could differentiate between those marvelous words and the actions of the so called Christians. I, already as a child, was disapproving all their ways. Growing as a very sensitive person, I was continuously misunderstood by one and all in the house of my parents. It was only my father, who was a bit sensitive like me, who understood me. And you would not believe, this created jealousy in my mum! Every time my father would come and hug me and consoled me when I was in tears (for very simple reason, I would weep!), my mother would show her anger! I could not understand! This was so hard to accept that then; I started to hide myself in my room every time I was sad. I did not let my father see, so as not to bear the anger of my mother afterwards. This is the reason I grew as an adolescent, very reserved one, I could not express myself, I feared everybody and would hide myself in my own shell- my room. This made me become someone very silent and someone passing her time observing without saying a word.
Then came a time when I had a job, I was affirming myself as an adult and I was having friends. Everybody outside loved me! They were appreciating me, and I was reviving. I felt I could trust, I could talk and voice out my feelings! And you know what happened? Each time I talked or said something deep, my friends would tell me: “eh you know, you cannot be a Christian, you are a Muslim!” I loved this you know, and I don’t know why I was feeling good. I give you an example:-
One day I was painting a flower for a class teacher colleague of mine. Although I am a fine painter, I was having difficulty to reach the real beauty of the flower! And getting tired in my efforts, I exclaimed: “and there are people who say that God does not exist! There are so many things around us to prove there is a God!” At that very moment, my Muslim friend approached me and said: “you just said a surah from the Qur’an!” I was amazed! I said to myself: this cannot go on!
People always comparing me to Muslims, I must know what Islam is!
I therefore seize the opportunity to ask via a radio program about Islam which I used to follow, to ask the speaker how I can understand Islam n where I can go to learn what Islam is in all its aspects. He gave me the address of a man who became my deen teacher. There I asked many pertinent questions n Alhamdulillah all were answered. I took much time to get convinced. Every time I felt I must make that important step, that of leaving Christianity and embracing Islam, every time I stopped, as there was a fear inside which was haunting me. Then, one day something happened: while my teacher was reading a surah in Arabic, with tajweed and with prose, I could not hold my tears, amazingly, without understanding anything, I saw myself weeping abundantly! All of my teacher’s family was shocked. But not my teacher! He was waiting for such a sign to convince me. He too wished I take the step quick, that of embracing Islam, but I was delaying, always. But on that day, I could see the joy on my teacher’s face. He took the Qur’an and showed me a verse where Allah is saying that those among the people of the book, whom I will choose to give guidance, those ones when my verses will be read to them, they won`t be able to hear it, they will fall on their face weeping. Really on that day I felt that those words were really for me. So it was exactly such words which for sure could give me a boost up. I was too much hesitating without reason. My teacher said it was shaytwaan tricks, he makes people delay to make good deeds and make people hasten to do bad deeds. And even though I did not read the shahada! I felt I needed more time.
Now from that time, Allah will start to make me pass though lots of painful tests! When I started my study, it was something I hide from everyone. I was already a married woman. My husband was a Hindu. He had to abandon Hindu faith and embrace Christianity for my parents to accept to marry him to me. He was the most valuable person I could get at that time. He was the best of husband any woman would dream to have! And unfortunately you know what? This will be my first biggest test. Listen now why….
When I was studying Islam from books and I my deen teacher, I was keeping this love for Islam for myself, no one knew, not even my husband, I kept it secret. With days however, my manners and my way of behaving in the house, started to change. My husband was feeling there was something but he thought badly on me. He thought I was having an affair with another man. He was suffering inside and this made him turn towards other women in his work. He did not tell me anything about what he was thinking. Then what should happened, happened. He started an affair with a MUSLIM lady in his place of work. Really, what would you have thought of Muslims and Islam at that time, if you were in my place?! I was approaching Islam and see what a Muslim lady was doing to me! And at that time, amazingly, I was reading the saying of the prophet s.a.w who said: (if two persons, 1 male and 1 female stays together alone, the third one is shaytwan). So instead of seeing Islam as disgusting, maachallah, I was in fact getting the confirmation of what I was learning, from what was happening between the lady and my husband. I started to really give credit to all the words Islam was teaching me. It was theory on paper, and my husband affair was the ‘practice’ part! The convincing part!
Now I was ready! As soon as I heard about his relationship, I was hurt but I felt relieved because I did not know, at a point in time what I should really do. I was convinced about the truth of Islam but I was married! What was I going to do? It was a stress. This is why I was behaving awkwardly. .so the extra marital affair of my husband helped me to make a move. It was Allah’s plan on me. But you know, when you really love someone, this thing of leaving him was not an easy thing at all. It was a real test. I decided at a moment, because of my pain I was enduring with the decision of leaving him to walk back! I even asked my husband to learn about Islam, to please make an effort so that I do not have to leave him. And instead of him having to ask for apology for what he did, it was me who was asking him for forgiveness. I could not recognize myself. It was paining a lot to have to separate. I was looking for all alternatives to save my couple. This was a very hard time indeed. I even accepted to stay in a different room, but under the same roof and at the same time teaching him Islam, for three years! 3 years I did sabar(patience), I accepted to cook food for him, I accepted to give him my house and all my belongings and I was everyday supplicating to him to accept Islam, I accepted he had the lady as wife too, I accepted all sacrifices….!!!
But one day, when as usual, after fajar, I went to his room to show him the so beautiful verses of the qur’an, concerning the Christians, he pushed my Qur’an forcefully. It was on that day with lots of pain that I stopped my efforts towards him. I could not bear to see him pushing my Qur’an; I was very angry inside, very angry. Things worsen with days. He left Mauritius for Madagascar. I had no money at all. I had a daughter. We had to drink water and eat bread which is offered at school. My husband was again having an affair in Madagascar. I again felt weak when I heard what he was doing. He was like a child to me. I don’t know how much I loved him, so that, I again made a move towards him. I went to Madagascar to help him see he was wrong. You know, I was feeling guilty it was because of me he was searching for love from anybody who come his way! For him I betrayed him! He was saying that he left everything for me and now see what I was doing to him…on my side I cared for him but I could not live with him if he do not adopt Islam and this I was unable to explain this nor help in any manner…I just was thinking again about God’s word: if he guides someone who can misguide n if he don’t want guidance for someone who can remove the seal in their heart?!! It was painful not to have the key to change this…
He ill treated me in Madagascar, I was not recognizing him. The lady he was entertaining, was asking that I leave Madagascar and my husband hugged her to console her saying: she (me) is only my wife on paper! That was really very very difficult to bear…I think Allah was permitting this only to help me leave him…
I therefore came back to Mauritius. I suffered a lot, no food, no money, and I had a daughter of 2yrs old to look after. Mentally I was finished. I only had to leave Islam and I would have my husband back, money, a car, and the love and affection of my husband….but u know what I chose?....i was ready, no more love was there for any one in my heart, except the love for Allah and his prophet and all my Muslims friends…..so I told my husband of my strict intention to accept to leave him and to go and read the shahada… I am at this moment weeping lots; tears are running down my cheeks. I did not want to recall, this is why half way I stopped. I was thinking about many episodes who were flashing back, and I stopped last time. I was remembering a moment when I had nothing in the kitchen to give to my child. My husband was refusing to send me money. I remember myself walking across private lands to cut leafy vegetables growing and bring home to cook.
At that very moment, my parents added fuel to my sufferings. They too were ill treating me. They started supporting my husband instead, only because he converted to Christianity, so they loved him more than me. In fact they detested me a lot. When my husband came back from Madagascar, my parents supported him in court to remove my child from me. They accused me of beating my child to read the Qur’an…they accused me of being extremist!! And when I was going to court in my jilbab, I was seen by the judge as a disgusting woman…I had to bear all this …my jilbab and hijab was betraying me and was confirming the words of my husband and family, and when you have your own mother against you and helping your husband, not only it hurts but it gives credit to the words of my husband in court!! A mother helping his son in law and condemning her own daughter!!…, this is the last thing you can do to a mother, removing her child from her! Allah says He won’t give you emaan like this. He will test you with all what you love, 1. Your money, 2. Your husband or wife, 3. Your sons, 4. Your health…
So after suffering from lack of food, and money, from separation of my husband with divorce, now I was faced with the separation of my child from me! I don’t know how I passed all these tests, as only weapon, I recall myself weeping whole day, whole night. Then what I did is to accept what was decreed from Allah for me…so I told them in court that I am accepting they take my child, and that all what they are doing to me is not coming from them to me, and that if Allah did not permit this , nobody could have been able to do this to me…and that it is Allah who is testing me with the one I love the most, my child…so I am surrendering…they were all shocked…and I left the court, satisfied being able to held high my deen but wrecked as a weak mother!!!
Moreover, in my work, my employer being the roman catholic education authority, I had to undergo pressure and the threat of losing my job, now only because I started wearing hijab! They were asking me to remove my veil. Again I accepted to face all humiliation, all kinds of words, all kinds of injustices..They promote all Christians except me. I accepted this too. It was a stress, I was constantly being reminded I work in a Christian school and they have their specificity and that I am Jesus betrayer! I was running the risk of losing my job, my only bread winner, having no parents with me…I did not remove my hijab….never will I …and up to now they have not been able to put me out..
And then with years, living alone, I had difficulties when there were things I could not do for example things normally meant for men (1) to fetch gas cylinders for cooking when it finishes, (2) to repair electric wires broken in the house, then I needed my neighbors. They were Muslims. This is when, I met my 2nd husband. He started loving me. His parents did not accept me because I was an already married woman and being revert, for them I had no Muslim blood!! They were very narrow minded people. I cut my relations with him. He could not bear this and proposed I marry him among friends only without letting his parents know, and that he will let them know later, about the nikah. You know, being alone, he was my only support. I did not have any parents, no child, so not to lose this only support, I accepted in my weaknesses. He was 9 yrs younger than me but when I fell pregnant; he started to fear his parents and asked me to abort the child! I refused. Another episode now, that of being beaten by him to go and get rid of the child. The child was a problem for him. His parents would know and he would lose all what he should inherit as fortune by his parents. I suffered much atrocities but I did not abort. I got the support of another neighbor who made me come to her house and helped me during pregnancy and even after birth. For 7 yrs, the 2nd husband did not give me talaaq. He even went to seek the help of my parents to remove this 2nd child from me. I started doing tahajud, I wept to Allah asking Him not to make me endure the test of losing my child again…I wept all the tears of my body…and Allah subanahu wa tallah , for whom I will always be grateful, answered my prayer..My 2nd husband forgets to come on the scheduled date fixed by the court to hear him…ALLAHU AKBAR!! My case was dismissed and he loses all rights to see the child because the court sees this absence of him as an act of disinterest for the child, of him!! Alhamdulilah I could sleep in peace! It was a real miracle. He forgets the date, even though he had his own sister as lawyer and his uncle as notary!!! No one remembered the date, no one was present in court on that day, they all forgot!! Up to now I ponder on what Allah can do if He really wants!!
I was also tested with my health. I am health and physical education instructor, and once while executing a jump in the stadium; I tore my medial meniscus in my knee. I feared again for my future because I have no one on my side, I had no money to get operated. Then while talking about my conversion to a newspaper, somebody came and paid the operation, alhamdulilah.
U see I have been tested with everything for the diamond I got..emaan!! But I am now happy and living peacefully, alone yes but happy to have got imaan. Nothing is as valuable to my eyes as this. I don’t know how to thank Allah for this gift. Pray for me I stay in swiratwal mustaqeem till I die, inchallah. U see I have not gain imaan easily… I have strived to read kalima shahada, I have strived and is still striving to wear my Islamic dress, I still am hiding myself to do my swalaat in my job in time, this is why I can’t understand born Muslim who has the freedom to do all this but don’t!! I will forever be thankful to Allah; I even thank HIM for the pains I endured, because it is those pains that mould me into a Muslim! I also thank Him for all the support I got from my sisters and brothers in Islam, in my moments of sorrows because while He was sending me tests, He also sends me support along with the pain!! I will be thankful to Allah forever.
--- namanya Fardeena Khadidjah Maria, salah satu muallaf...Great story....---
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